When I am between people,when there are loud voices,all these frighten me and I think I lose control.In this 3rd world country I live all these subjects are taboo,if you say to someone that you are afraid of something but he doesn't know what that is and why you are afraid of if then he is automatically a coward and a chicken.People are socially and mentally uneducated and they have a hard time understanding to grasp how things are,even when something happens to them,they rarely try to find the cause for it,they just judge and live with that because they are afraid of what others will say about them,this supresses them even more and makes things worse.
Myself in these 6 years that I am in this situation I have lost almost everything,I lost them before I managed to earned them,I lost my job,my friends,my interest for life,I lost everything,every time I tried to get up,I was kicked in the balls and I was falling down again,I am here to share something,because for sure there are people out there that understand me so every time I was kicked and I was falling down,every time I was getting up again and the morning I was going to the mirror and I say to myself "you are my hero",you are the person that suffers all these and you are a hero because you pass all these alone,in this battle there aren't allies,there isn't even an enemy,you can't see him,you can't feel him and you are imagine him.I am not here to tell you how cool I am,I am here for these that thave the same feelings and they sit home pittying their self and not doing anything for them.
I say again that I lost everything,even my house if you think about that . I live in various places and the nights I play poker to survive,but I am still alive and I feel a hero even though nobody congratulates me,I am a hero of myself and that kind of hero is my favorite.
A while ago I was so bad that I asked help for an expert once more(I have go to experts a few times)and that person instead of helping me,he told me to get some medication and I asked him Is this the help I really need? And he said to me Yeah,these will calm you .But I refused and I chose the hard way,the lonely way that few people choose and most people will not learn where that leads.
